[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Sunday, July 5th, 2009|
So, after taking a few years off the thing called "life" it turns out not much has changed. The journey to get here, of course, was a tad more interesting; filled with stories of being homeless, desperation and all kinds of fun stuff like that. But, for now, things are nice. Glad to have a place with some AC this summer, despite it being a much cooler than average season thus far. Perhaps I'll write of my travels sometime. Maybe not. Who knows.
|Thursday, August 2nd, 2007|
Seeing as though I am losing my place of residence upon the 15th of the month, I think it would be prudent to offer some reflection. As such, a list of major regrets my life has held.
I really wish I could have pursued more higher education. The entire experience, however, confounded me--from the cryptic methodologies of electing to take courses that may or may not have any relevance to an eventual major, to the social aspects which I was thrust into the very worst possible scenarios. If I had known then what I know now, I may have been able to understand a great deal more than "it is good to go to college" and possibly would have understood better how the entire process worked. As it was, I "chose" the university at what was more or less random happenstance, fumbled around with course selections, and had very little idea what I was actually doing other than "going to school." I sorely regret never fully comprehending how everything functioned as such, and missed one of the things in life that may have altered my eventual outcome.
Friendship. It seems so mundane a concept, yet, I do not think I've ever come to a junction I could possibly affirmatively deem "having a friend." Sure, I consider some people as "friends," however, it varies wildly from what the popular notion of the concept is. To the best of my knowledge, I have never really been able to reciprocate on any meaningful level beyond my core interests, and as such, have never really established any kind of rapport beyond said concepts. As a result, it seems horribly lacking compared to what I observed in other people. I really regret never really establishing a contact with another person that could be more fully described as a "friendship," rather than my own mind's eye view of the notion.
Last, but certainly not least, I wish I could have furthered any sort of meaningful relationship. Seeing as though I can't actively maintain a friendship, having an intimate relationship is more or less immediately out of the question, as it seems to be a very integral portion of the bond. I did make a few attempts, which were more like people made attempts at me and I tried to reciprocate, but nothing ever managed to foster anything meaningfully long-term. There is just so much I don't understand, and only so much--for the lack of better words--faking that can be done to attempt to fit into a situation that is wholly out of one's own conceptualization. I really do wish I would have been able to manage myself better, so as to actually had something meaningful on this front [ed. note: by "meaningful," I mean suitably long-term; e.g., marriage]. It wasn't for lack of trying on the behalf of others, however--I was once, more or less, asked to pursue things very much further (conceivably leading up to marriage), but at the time of the question, I had very literal interpretations of the questions and comments. The subtexts and subtleties completely threw me off, and I was unable to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Despite actively wonting such, I was unable to muster anything acceptable in responses, and shortly thereafter, everything fell apart. While I am very content by myself, I very strongly regret never being able to know the eventual end-game, so to speak, that a relationship actually holds.
I think three is a good number. While one overlaps with another more obviously than the third, it's still a very relevant source of discourse on the matter. One is possible, however, and should things turn around by some miracle stroke, may eventually be pursued (much later than usual). Of the three, two are of the nature I strongly doubt I will ever be able to understand much less comprehend in any meaningful way.
On some levels, mundane interpretations of the above would label my discourse as relating to sloth--denigrated to those of "laziness" or generally being unwilling to care, try, or pursue. From my eyes, however, things are far more drastically different than they could wildly dream.
In the eye of the beholder, as they say. Current Mood: contemplative
|Wednesday, December 27th, 2006|
It's been awhile. I guess I haven't had much desire to talk at all, really. "Why?" one might ask. It's complicated, and it pretty much underscores the vast majority of my family's "issues."( Read more...Collapse )
It's just wearing very hard on me, and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm already on a leave of absence so I can "handle it" and it's increasingly more obvious that I cannot. I have no idea what to do, and pretending that I'm strong isn't going to work much longer.
I just want to curl up in my blanket and rest for weeks. Current Mood: apathetic
|Tuesday, October 31st, 2006|
|Monday, October 9th, 2006|
My computer died again. I think the 'condo has it out for me. I'm not sure how we get brown-outs as we're like right next to the main power grid, but we do. And they always manage to cost me a hundred bucks... :-/
Next up: replace PSU. If that doesn't work, replace other things, too. Current Mood: annoyed
|Wednesday, October 4th, 2006|
So, I bought a car. A Scion xB to be precise. That's the good news.
The bad news is a horribly miscalculated when preparing for adding this to my budget. So, instead of $250/mo to play around with for food/whatever, it's closer to $50. I'm doomed.
Accept call center offer at work;
Move closer to work; or,
Find closer job.
All three would alleiviate myself from my own stupidity, but none are particularly good options. I think I'll try the call center one first, then move from there.
God. I need to be awake to drive to work in four hours. I can't sleep though! I'm so screwed. Current Mood: PANIC!
|Monday, October 2nd, 2006|
I just applied for a car loan. I'm going to hyperventilate.
If I'm denied, I'm screwed. If I'm approved, I'm probably screwed.
I WILL BE AN INDENTURED SERVANT TO A LOAN COMPANY. :( Current Mood: PANIC!
|Wednesday, September 27th, 2006|
I haven't felt the need to post anything in a while. But, recently, I've been feeling like I needed to do so, however.. I had nothing to post!
That's classic anticron
for you. Current Mood: blank
|Tuesday, September 5th, 2006|
|World of Crackcraft
I turned my brain off (again) about a month and a half ago. True story. I recently (as in yesterday) managed to hit Exhalted with Warsong Outriders at the low low
level of 19. Thus, my Mage goes to 29 to do the same for Arathi Basin. <3
On that note, many people seem to deride taking pelasure in playing such games, in which time is pretty much spent enjoying one's self. You know what? You can pursue whatever activity you want in life, be it "growing", "furthering", or simply relaxing. Personally, I think we, as humans, have spent far too much time getting rushed and stressed at every damned step of the way. Sure, we're hyper productive, but now we have virtually no leisure time, which I quite firmly believe we all do need. You know, time to decompress. Whether or not they want to admit it, critics of MMOs do the same boring things we do in our spare time, albiet in different ways. Extra time is extra time, and honestly, nobody cares if you learn to juggle, play a game, or otherwise enjoy life as you see fit.
Stop bitching that some people enjoy a game multiple hours a day. It isn't any better or worse than going out to a bar and getting sloshed.
In less fun-related news, I think I pulled a muscle in my back. It's all gnarled up and I can't "crack" it back/into place, so I'm assuming I did something stupid when I wasn't paying attention. Ow. Current Mood: awake
|Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006|
"A U.S. government official said that some of the passengers had pulled out cell phones during the flight, and that some appeared to be trying to pass the cell phones to other passengers.Absolutely surreal.
In addition, some passengers unfastened their seatbelts while the light requiring they be fastened was still illuminated, the official said.
That was enough to cause U.S. air marshals aboard the flight to break their cover. Fight attendants ordered the passengers to heed the orders of the marshals, the official added.
An airline source in Amsterdam said the passengers who were arrested were looking into plastic bags and were busy with their cell phones.
We're living in constant fear. So much so that we jump at our own shadows. I sincerely hope those twelve people were not ordinary individuals simply being ordinary on an ordinary flight or anything.
I'm terrified that I could be arrested for handling a cellphone, plastic bag, or getting out of my seat during a flight. This is really getting out of hand, and it is so very sad that the government elects to propogate said fear.
We're "winning"... how?Update
:"Up until now, it does not appear to be terror related," Piet Hein Donner told the Dutch ANP news agency.
No foolin'. I would never have guessed typical behavior was not a homicidal plot. Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, August 15th, 2006|
"You do not secure the liberty of our country and value of our democracy by undermining them, that's the road to hell." - Lord Phillips of Sudbury.
Firstly: I'm growing a beard, mainly because it feels goddamned awesome (texture wins again!).
Secondly: I require 229 more wins in WSG before I hit exalted with WSR. Ugh.
Thirdly: I dreamt of Snakes on a Plane
last night. I distinctly remember answering the question, "How did these snakes get on this fucking plane?" with a succint, "Snakesplosion?"
It's flawless and
Now, if I could just figure out how the fuck I had a dream of Snakes on a Plane
, I'd be set. I mean, it looks hilarious and all, but it isn't precisely the most precient thing on my mind. But, "Snakesplosion"? Comedy gold
. Current Mood: weird
|Thursday, August 10th, 2006|
We just lost more freedoms, this time on public flights. Banning soda, cosmetics, or anything else of this sort is stupid. The terrorists just won another battle.
Seriously. We've lost
There was once a time where we would give
lives in the name of freedom, now we're taking freedom
in the name of lives. The current state of the USA disgusts me. How far we've fallen. Current Mood: annoyed
So, I'm exhausted. I've been helpin gout another department on the phones, and each day depletes a little bit more of that energy reserve I've tucked away for rainy days. Normally, it might not be so bad, but it's been two weeks worth of work, and the weeked was a bunch of "exciting" action with friends being over the full weekend and everything. The long and short of it: no time to relax, recharge, or recouperate.
I was offered a full-time position in the call-center here at a reasonably high pay raise, and I'm still mulling it over. If I'm going to collapse into a puddle of dead fish, then obviously all the money in the world won't help. Whether this past two-week stint is a harbinger of things to come, I have no real idea; but, I do know that I'm tired, exhausted, and generally worn-out by the time I get home most evenings when I'm on the phone, which is a stark contrast to my current position. Good? Bad? Time will tell. But it is
a significant raise..
On the bright side, it's no longer hot enough to parboil me on the way home, and it looks like it'll rain tonight. :)
In slightly related news, my therapist lady told me that I should probably see a physologist and get soem random testing done (duh!), but that she doesn't think it is anything more than OCD/anxiety (no huge surprise here; she doesn't deal with the oddities often in her office). I guess I'll try to find someplace like that when I get back on my feet a bit more. Current Mood: tired
|Tuesday, August 8th, 2006|
The Israeli military dropped leaflets today over the southern Lebanese city of Tyre, warning of stepped-up operations and urging people not to drive. One leaflet said, "All cars and of any type will be shelled if seen moving south of the Litani River." (from CNN)
What absolute bullshit. More excuses to kill civilians indiscriminately.
Israel seriously needs to be fucking stopped. Current Mood: annoyed
|Friday, July 28th, 2006|
Since Israel seems to have little regard for blowing up UN personel and civilians, will a UN-backed plan
actually do anything useful?
The whole situation is just disturbing, and regardless of whether or not Israel was in the right to beat the living fuck out of the Hezbollah, they still need to abide by international law; and, assuming they have not
, which is pretty damned evident by now, they need to be punished accordingly. You just don't target non-combatants and neutral third parties. I don't care how fucking pissed you are. Current Mood: annoyed
|Friday, July 21st, 2006|
|Thursday, July 20th, 2006|
|...ow, my brain
I have one of those headaches today in which you cannot help but "hear everything." And it's all too fucking loud
I wish I could "zone out" like I did earlier when fudging around wikipedia, but I can't seem to find anything to hyperfocus my attention on. Blergh! Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, July 18th, 2006|
| Fucking scary.
Seriously. This shit needs oversight that isn't causing the same shit it's supposed to be overseeing. Who watches the watcher? Current Mood: annoyed